Thee escape journal

Day 1

Our journey began as we escaped New York. The rain was falling thick as nails. It was as if the buildings had all been filled with water then jabbed with pins and they all exploded drops of rain. We flipped our collars to our thick black winter coats, this awkward black thing hugged me with each of its arms over mine as we swung through the city. For a moment I was warm,for this moment I felt safe. I found a small child gliding down 2nd ave, lost in the streets flood. I lifted him up into my arms. Its naked pale body was lighter than a balloon, I almost through it into the air surprised by its lightness, I mean lightness the boy's pale skin shined like a white bulb. I dropped the child and let it be swept by the surge of water.
"Jesus" I said, realizing I was actually attempting to speak to the man.

Dry spots/ Success

Snow in slow motion
cold quiet air
sweating with the drunks
trying to find a dry spot
I had something to do
but I forgot and I should eat first
two dollars in quarters
I can try to call her eight time
till the money runs out
then who knows
I may have to go over there
but it's dry here and I should eat

If the snow covered me with the phone pressed
against my ear my hands stuck in solid liquid
my chest held like a hands punch
slowly crushing my bones
digging into my chest
If I died slowly in this cold
creating a ringing sound in your warm empty apartment

I could say I died trying

it doesn't take much to try these days
and death is the only thing we all definitely do succeed at
but I wouldn't call it success

Red hotel

I was wasting my time
gleaming in the piss light
Somedays I can't believe I made it out of my red hotel
I thought had to live with the lion
I thought I had to if i were to live
but one day I asked myself
What's the point?
If everything you love makes you sick
What's the point?
We had no noble battles worth fighting for
So we turned against ourselves and try to bully out the nobility
What use are 2 battle ships
if were both lost at sea?
When will the dogfight turn against us?
The dollars laying in the dust wont strengthen us
I was afraid it would kill me
So afraid I stayed drunk for 18 months
never leaving my red hotel
What's the point?
If all you love makes you sick?
What's the point?
When I checked out of my red hotel
I walked out on my own two feet
walking through the lobby
not looking to either side of me
Is was all I could do
to save me

Chants

I do not listen,to what I hear
Mouths sculpting,sounds so queer
Why do they need me? To join in the their chants and their cheers?
To them,my ears go deaf
To them,my lips go numb
To them,my body limp
To them,my voice grows dumb
Oh no I will not meet you halfway:
I prefer you stand where you stay
When you meet me with another face
and with a different name
I will greet you on this day.

Palms

There is another me who lives in the room next door
I often hear him beating against the walls trying to find a way out
Sometimes I beat back to comfort him and let him know he is not alone
Lately he has taken up to screaming, so I now scream to comfort him
Both of us banging are open palms and screaming in harmony
Lately he has not given me much rest
So on we go screaming together till one of us drops and then the other may have peace

My children

I awoke at dawn. It took me a minute to come to focus but I soon realized I heard a tapping sound . I followed the sound down the stairs. Through the kitchen I looked out the window toward the grey morning , in the window's corner I saw a child's hand crusted in dirt that looked as if it was born from coffee grounds. It slowly tapped a rusty coin leaving a scratch in the glass. It occurred to me the hand could not see me and soon it would tire. I could return to bed but I didn't. I opened the window and I looked down,I saw about 8 children both boys and girls all under 10 years old look up at me. They were beautiful, dressed well but covered in the elements, beautiful blue eyes, natty hair reaching in all directions,they smelled of hell but stood with a sense of grace. It was as if they got lost months ago walking home from Sunday school. Little boys still wearing their ties and jackets with the elbows worn threw and the girls with their hair still held in ribbons. None said a word they just looked towards me with those soar, hungry eyes. I found half a loaf of bread that I handed to the boy with the coin, he accepted but did not look away from me. I closed the window and turned away to return to bed . I awoke a few hours later,I found my little friend had left his rusty coin on the window seal. I walked out to the yard. The girls had tied their ribbons around arms of one of the trees and wrapped it as if it was a gift to me. On another tree the boys had tied their ties intricately as if they were cryptic birds. I found the bread torn to bits but uneaten,some pieces had even been chewed. Each child had left their shoes in a line as if they had stood waiting at attention. I turned away, I found myself crying. I returned to bed and hid beneath the covers. I wondered what would become of my children?

Ocean songs

"It's all kind of some kind of ocean of some kind"